Monkimtin is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, charitable beaver.

Monkimtin created a charm quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Monkimtin, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Monkimtin, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Monkimtin's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Monkimtin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help dogs in need.

2. Never think about ultrasonics.

3. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics near capybaras while wearing magenta kilts and balancing eight gold spheres on your hands.

5. Never eat limes.