Cumarfrak is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, wise octopus.

Cumarfrak created a Higgs boson two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumarfrak, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cumarfrak, it will turn you into a snail.

Cumarfrak's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Cumarfrak's Holy Commandments

1. Put Cumarfrak first in all things.

2. Always treat gulls with great respect.

3. Do not drink water in black rooms.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.

5. Never talk about nucleic acids.