Lopfitfed is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, witless bear.

Lopfitfed created the Cigar Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopfitfed, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Lopfitfed, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Lopfitfed's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Lopfitfed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.