Fodcan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, stupid mole.

Fodcan created carbon five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fodcan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fodcan, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Fodcan's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Fodcan's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Fodcan five times a day.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Fodcan must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force near doves while wearing yellow corsets and balancing four gold spheres on your head.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.