Rulquatyim is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, witless troll.

Rulquatyim created Africa four million years ago.

If you believe in Rulquatyim, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Rulquatyim, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Rulquatyim's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Rulquatyim's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured eagles.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not dye your hair pink.