Gunfetqueegtitkar is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, tranquil finch.

Gunfetqueegtitkar created the universe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gunfetqueegtitkar, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Gunfetqueegtitkar, he will turn you into a puffin.

Gunfetqueegtitkar's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Gunfetqueegtitkar's Holy Commandments

1. Always help swans.

2. Never feed lots of bread to dogs while wearing violet jumpers.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near turtles while wearing fawn scarves and balancing six titanium spheres on your head.

4. Never write about asteroids.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.