Yatgatlabxinbessjab is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, loving cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Yatgatlabxinbessjab created the Sol system five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yatgatlabxinbessjab, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Yatgatlabxinbessjab, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Yatgatlabxinbessjab's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Yatgatlabxinbessjab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near tortoises while wearing mauve rings.

4. Never paint your legs gray.

5. Fast once a month.