Hapjigzak is a god.

He takes the form of a large, astonishing dove.

Hapjigzak created the planet Earth nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapjigzak, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hapjigzak, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Hapjigzak's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Hapjigzak's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention pigs.

2. Never think about special relativity near hamsters while wearing red shirts and balancing seven titanium spheres on your back.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.

4. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

5. Do not stand on grass.