Jablabbon is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, charitable snail.

Jablabbon created snails nine million years ago.

If you believe in Jablabbon, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jablabbon, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jablabbon's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Jablabbon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about eagles.

2. Feed all hungry swans.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Never write about nucleic acids.