Nelltarpbim is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, sage jaguar.

Nelltarpbim created Mount Everest four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelltarpbim, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Nelltarpbim, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nelltarpbim's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Nelltarpbim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a room before entering it.

4. Run away from yellow porpoises, for they are unholy.

5. Always help sick mites.