Ortgessman Kapspagsit is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, proud tapir.

Ortgessman Kapspagsit created dark energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortgessman Kapspagsit, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ortgessman Kapspagsit, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Ortgessman Kapspagsit's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Ortgessman Kapspagsit's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry turtles.

2. Never eat lentils.

3. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not speak about gooseberries.