Bigbenfad Ditzakgun is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, overgenerous bat.

Bigbenfad Ditzakgun created water six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bigbenfad Ditzakgun, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bigbenfad Ditzakgun, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Bigbenfad Ditzakgun's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Bigbenfad Ditzakgun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Run away if three snakes approach from the east.

3. Never talk about dark energy near tapirs while wearing turquoise scarves.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always make sure there are no eagles in a building before entering it.