Panfitzig is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, benevolent pig.

Panfitzig created dark energy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Panfitzig, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Panfitzig, he will ignore you.

Panfitzig's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Panfitzig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never talk about seals.

3. Do not shave your legs.

4. Always help capybaras.

5. Do not cook food in pots.