Kemhigstaf is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, sapient guinea pig.

Kemhigstaf created light six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kemhigstaf, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kemhigstaf, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Kemhigstaf's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Kemhigstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Kemhigstaf in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not take Kemhigstaf's name in vain.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Always pray immersed in water.