Tarpinbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, witty dryad.

Tarpinbarn created the Sol system two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpinbarn, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tarpinbarn, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tarpinbarn's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Tarpinbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Do not jump in public.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tarpinbarn.

5. Never think about eukaryotes.