Hapsaksom is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, egotistical lizard.

Hapsaksom created humankind two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapsaksom, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hapsaksom, he will refuse to believe in you.

Hapsaksom's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Hapsaksom's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never talk about gravity near porpoises while wearing green shirts.

3. Never think about quantum field theory.

4. Always make sure there are no voles in a building before entering it.

5. Never talk about fire.