Cumfatgilman is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, deceitful whale.

Cumfatgilman created light eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cumfatgilman, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cumfatgilman, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Cumfatgilman's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Cumfatgilman's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nebulae.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Never talk about spacetime.

4. Never think about bacteria.

5. Cumfatgilman must be the most important thing in your life.