Hasrulgub is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, emotional manatee.

Hasrulgub created vertebrates six million years ago.

If you believe in Hasrulgub, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hasrulgub, it will turn you into a mouse.

Hasrulgub's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Hasrulgub's Holy Commandments

1. Hasrulgub must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.