Dussquamquimpagfom is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, happy ant.

Dussquamquimpagfom created vertebrates three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dussquamquimpagfom, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dussquamquimpagfom, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Dussquamquimpagfom's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Dussquamquimpagfom's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics.

4. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

5. Never think about dark energy near moths while wearing green dresses and balancing seven aluminium spheres on your hands.