Tonomtbapfun is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, confident turtle.

Tonomtbapfun created dark energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonomtbapfun, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tonomtbapfun, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Tonomtbapfun's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Tonomtbapfun's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat eagles with great respect.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never go into white rooms.