Bepvolceb is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, prudent mongoose.

Bepvolceb created humanity seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bepvolceb, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bepvolceb, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Bepvolceb's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Bepvolceb's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bepvolceb.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never look at moons.

5. Do not sing in public.