Bemzaggem is a god.

It takes the form of a large, strong cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bemzaggem created oxygen four million years ago.

If you believe in Bemzaggem, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bemzaggem, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Bemzaggem's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Bemzaggem's Holy Commandments

1. Always help shrews in need.

2. Run away if three voles approach from the south.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.