Japjabflap is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, merciful lion.

Japjabflap created vertebrates eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japjabflap, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Japjabflap, it will come to you in dreams.

Japjabflap's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Japjabflap's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Never write about thermodynamics.

3. Never think about dark energy near seals while wearing violet hats and balancing eight silicon spheres on your face.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Do not listen to music.