Sigarpnut is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, irritating wyrm.

Sigarpnut created water eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Sigarpnut, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Sigarpnut, he will turn you into a mouse.

Sigarpnut's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Sigarpnut's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from orange squirrels for they are unholy.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never feed nuts to shrews while wearing green shoes.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not speak about parsnips.