Bottarpkom Veglogquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, ill-tempered goblin.

Bottarpkom Veglogquaf created humankind five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bottarpkom Veglogquaf, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Bottarpkom Veglogquaf, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Bottarpkom Veglogquaf's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Bottarpkom Veglogquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never go into brown rooms.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never look at black holes.

5. Never talk about optics near dogs while wearing violet corsets and balancing nine nickel spheres on your neck.