Vansterpibcim is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, quiet mole.

Vansterpibcim created the planet Saturn five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vansterpibcim, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vansterpibcim, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Vansterpibcim's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Vansterpibcim's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Vansterpibcim loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory near hamsters while wearing magenta dresses.