Lopnurlkan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, stupid weasel.

Lopnurlkan created tapeworms seven million years ago.

If you believe in Lopnurlkan, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lopnurlkan, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Lopnurlkan's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Lopnurlkan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not speak about lemons.

3. Always obey Lopnurlkan's priests.

4. Always treat tortoises with great respect.

5. Erect a large gold sculpture of Lopnurlkan on top of all buildings.