Laggumbus is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, strong coyote.

Laggumbus created the cosmos nine million years ago.

If you believe in Laggumbus, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Laggumbus, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Laggumbus' most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Laggumbus' Holy Commandments

1. Mites are not to be trusted.

2. Never feed bread to whales while wearing shoes.

3. Do not eat cherries.

4. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Never think about thermodynamics near monkeys while wearing black coats and balancing three platinum spheres on your back.