Tarbarngessaslog Fitcanrak is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, dishonourable warg.

Tarbarngessaslog Fitcanrak created a top quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarbarngessaslog Fitcanrak, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tarbarngessaslog Fitcanrak, he will remove you from existence.

Tarbarngessaslog Fitcanrak's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Tarbarngessaslog Fitcanrak's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not take Tarbarngessaslog Fitcanrak's name in vain.

3. Do not speak about spinach.

4. Never think about quantum gravity near capybaras while wearing pink coats and balancing three aluminium spheres on your hands.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.