Pinvonkgud is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, awe-inspiring hydra.

Pinvonkgud created the planet Venus eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Pinvonkgud, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Pinvonkgud, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Pinvonkgud's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Pinvonkgud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep nine moths in a large pit.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near seals while wearing purple jumpers and balancing three lead spheres on your face.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never leap near tapirs.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pinvonkgud.