Jatgomrulcep is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, compassionate warg.

Jatgomrulcep created snails eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jatgomrulcep, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jatgomrulcep, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Jatgomrulcep's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Jatgomrulcep's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never think ill of sick shrews.

3. You must never eat aubergines.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never eat bark.