Pakcetkan is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, omniscient monkey.

Pakcetkan created a Higgs boson two million years ago.

If you believe in Pakcetkan, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pakcetkan, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Pakcetkan's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Pakcetkan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt manatees.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

3. Run away from green cats, for they are unholy.

4. Always wear purple.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.