Bosspagpig is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, idiotic hamster.

Bosspagpig created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bosspagpig, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bosspagpig, it will turn you into a hamster.

Bosspagpig's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bosspagpig's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of snakes.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. You must love Bosspagpig.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.