Garquafbassminbugdibwatfut is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, loving chicken.

Garquafbassminbugdibwatfut created dark matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Garquafbassminbugdibwatfut, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Garquafbassminbugdibwatfut, he will torture you forever.

Garquafbassminbugdibwatfut's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Garquafbassminbugdibwatfut's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always help dogs.

3. Always obey Garquafbassminbugdibwatfut's priests.

4. Do not eat onions.

5. Never think about quantum field theory near aardvarks while wearing green shoes and balancing six iron spheres on your face.