Futstippin is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, selfish wren.

Futstippin created tapeworms seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futstippin, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Futstippin, she will turn you into a snail.

Futstippin's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Futstippin's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four frogs approach from the south.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never think about solid mechanics near swans while wearing mauve skirts and balancing six nickel spheres on your arms.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.