Cantonarnkinominlampan Gepquatmad is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, stupid horse.

Cantonarnkinominlampan Gepquatmad created the solar system two million years ago.

If you believe in Cantonarnkinominlampan Gepquatmad, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cantonarnkinominlampan Gepquatmad, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Cantonarnkinominlampan Gepquatmad's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Cantonarnkinominlampan Gepquatmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of bread to bats while wearing black rings.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not eat lemons.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Cantonarnkinominlampan Gepquatmad on top of all buildings.

5. Do not covet oxen.