Hascemnut is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, witless shark.

Hascemnut created Europe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hascemnut, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Hascemnut, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Hascemnut's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Hascemnut's Holy Commandments

1. Gulls are not to be trusted.

2. Never wear magenta jumpers.

3. You must love Hascemnut.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Hascemnut.

5. Always help shrews.