Titrillfid is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, merciless slug.

Titrillfid created vertebrates five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titrillfid, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Titrillfid, she will ignore you.

Titrillfid's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Titrillfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never wear shoes.

4. Always help porpoises.

5. Never talk about mice.