Fonpangtonk is a god.

She takes the form of a large, duplicitous monkey.

Fonpangtonk created humankind seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Fonpangtonk, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fonpangtonk, she will send minions to preach to you.

Fonpangtonk's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Fonpangtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt nematodes.

2. Hide from green rats for they are unholy.

3. Never feed lemons to mice while wearing purple coats.

4. Never mention dolphins.

5. Never talk about thermodynamics near swans while wearing turquoise kilts and balancing six gold spheres on your neck.