Bumjatbigvin is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, omniscient wren.

Bumjatbigvin created oxygen seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bumjatbigvin, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bumjatbigvin, he will turn you into a hamster.

Bumjatbigvin's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Bumjatbigvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about eukaryotes.

2. Never leap near bats.

3. Never wear hats.

4. Run away from yellow geese, for they are unholy.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.