Lakjipkem Bagnarl Afgilgod is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, boastful narwhal.

Lakjipkem Bagnarl Afgilgod created a top quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lakjipkem Bagnarl Afgilgod, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Lakjipkem Bagnarl Afgilgod, it will come to you in dreams.

Lakjipkem Bagnarl Afgilgod's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Lakjipkem Bagnarl Afgilgod's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lakjipkem Bagnarl Afgilgod.

4. Always obey Lakjipkem Bagnarl Afgilgod's priests.

5. Never play with disobedient children.