Witkopsug is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, unfair cow.

Witkopsug created a bottom quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Witkopsug, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Witkopsug, he will turn you into a rock.

Witkopsug's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Witkopsug's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching silicon.

2. Hide from turquoise dolphins for they are unholy.

3. Never wear brown skirts on sacred days.

4. Never write about bacteria.

5. Never cross crossroads at midday.