Ortfenkik is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, self-assured rhinoceros.

Ortfenkik created dark matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortfenkik, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Ortfenkik, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Ortfenkik's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Ortfenkik's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in turquoise.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

4. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never think about bacteria.