Tarnartlarn is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, sapient aardvark.

Tarnartlarn created a bottom quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarnartlarn, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tarnartlarn, he will turn you into a sheep.

Tarnartlarn's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Tarnartlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear violet clothing.

2. Ants are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never wear green shorts.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tarnartlarn.