Stafkemvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, able salamander.

Stafkemvonk created a bottom quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafkemvonk, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Stafkemvonk, she will turn you into a worm.

Stafkemvonk's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Stafkemvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Stafkemvonk.

2. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

3. Never talk about dark energy near pigs while wearing brown trousers and balancing five carbon spheres on your neck.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.