Xenkarkem is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, sage dragon.

Xenkarkem created the Sombrero Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xenkarkem, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Xenkarkem, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Xenkarkem's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Xenkarkem's Holy Commandments

1. Shrews are not to be trusted.

2. Never talk about gravity near dolphins while wearing yellow coats and balancing four silver spheres on your chest.

3. Never feed coconuts to snakes while wearing green ear rings.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never eat peas.