Dapfossnutt is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, selfish whale.

Dapfossnutt created Africa three million years ago.

If you believe in Dapfossnutt, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dapfossnutt, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Dapfossnutt's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Dapfossnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Erect eight silver sculptures of Dapfossnutt on top of important buildings.

2. Run away from red monkeys, for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about foxes.

4. Never think about gravity near hamsters while wearing gray dresses and balancing four copper spheres on your legs.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.