Zanquimkon is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, witless warg.

Zanquimkon created the Sun five million years ago.

If you believe in Zanquimkon, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zanquimkon, it will turn you into a rock.

Zanquimkon's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Zanquimkon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Zanquimkon.

3. You must love Zanquimkon.

4. Never paint your arms mauve.

5. Zanquimkon loves capybaras, so they must be honoured.