Farntarpfun is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, smart coyote.

Farntarpfun created matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Farntarpfun, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Farntarpfun, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Farntarpfun's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Farntarpfun's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never paint your hands orange.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near hamsters while wearing red rings and balancing seven silicon spheres on your arms.

5. Do not wear zinc on your body.