Tartonjarn is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, omniscient mink.

Tartonjarn created the Tadpole Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tartonjarn, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tartonjarn, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Tartonjarn's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Tartonjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear kilts.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Tartonjarn.

3. Never hurt cats.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.